There is a movie that I remember watching many times while I was growing up called Saturday's Warrior. In short the plot is centered around a young man named Jimmy who is striving to seek true freedom. The reason that this movie came to mind tonight is because of another Character who sees the man that he is vs. the man who he wishes that he was. The movie is musically based and embodied in one of the songs called, "Paper Dream," illucidates some of the thoughts that are going through my own mind.
I take some paper on my hand,
And with a pencil draw a man
The dream of what I'd really, really like to be.
A man with courage in his brow,
Whose licked his doubts and fears somehow,
A warrior of great nobility.
But who am I? Just a wandering kid.
A cipher on the wall, not even brave at all!
And where's my dream like his that I would fight for?
And where's my cuase like his that I would die for?
And in his eyes he's not a afraid
Because you see he's got it made
The dream of what I'd really, really like to be.
A brave and noble, fiery youth.
Who's not afraid to die for truth.
Who's tall and straight, but best of all he's free!
But who am I? Such a fool as I am.
A cipher on the wall, not even brave at all!
And where's my dream like his that I would fight for?
And where's my cuase like his that I would die for?
But still the paper's in my hand
And every day I sketch that man
Who knows the truth and what life's all about!
My conscience says I should be him
I guess I could at least begin
But chances are I'd probably strike out.
How to make the man I am into the man that I would like to be is ever elusive to my efforts. Success seems beyond my grasp. I hate to be pesimistic and negative, but such is my outlook at this point. Why does it seem like I only write when I am depressed? It's because writing is the means by which I hope to chanel some of this negativity and pesimism out of my heart and soul into the great nothingness from whence such feelings come.
A wise man said that our focus determines our reality. Actually, it was Qui-Gon Jin from Episode I of Star Wars, but that doesn't make the quite any less poignant. How do I change my focus to redetermine my reality?
