Living Without Her

Like a pendulum swings back and forth so also are my feelings as to what to do about one of the most important relationships that I have ever had in my life. How it hurts to think about letting go of somebody whom I have loved for so long. The moments of bitterness, sorrow and pain contrast themselves starkly against the moments of such great happiness. We have shared so much with each other; hopes, dreams, tears, laughter and even pain. I have watched her struggle with her own personal demons. The only thing that I have ever wanted is to be by her side and do whatever I could in order to make her life better.

A personal insight that I have gained into my personality is that I am a good listener, but that is not the only thing that creates the interest that I have sought for so long with this woman. Somewhere, somehow I have been found lacking. Most aggravating is the fact that I do not even know what it might be that I did, or did not do to create what I wanted between us.

Part of me knows that it is no bad thing to have a very good friend. However, I do not feel that the effort that I have put into sustaining this relationship has been reciprocated in even the friendship department. I do not doubt that part of it could be due to my attempt to end our relationship. This attempt seems to have caused a rift between us that I do not know how to mend.

My question now is whether I continue to try to bridge the gap, or if I just let her go.