Lately, I have been exposed to two separate blogs on the marital relationship. Today I read Matt Walsh's Blog entitled "Our Society Doesn't Know Anything About Marriage," which is a response to the internet's response to a blog post by Seth Adams called, "Marriage Isn't For You."
I highly recommend reading both posts as they offer some very insightful views on the marital relationship and the motivation that should go into it. They key point from both posts is that a long-lasting marriage is based on a foundation of service from both husband and wife to their spouse.
The view I wish now to express is that of an individual who finds himself outside of a marital relationship and who finds himself largely content with this present arrangement.
I was raised to believe the view that a person's potential can only be maximized through a marital covenant and the conception of children as a means of furthering the work of God on Earth. From the age of 12, I was counseled by my parents and church leaders to seek the company only of similar-minded females who espoused the virtues of morality, fidelity, compassion, and a testimony of the divinity of Jesus Christ. While I wasn't supposed to 'date' any one girl until at least the age of 16, puberty creates an interest that is all but impossible to ignore. I had good friends, many of them that were female and who I saw as fitting the criteria I was taught to look for.
There was only one girl that I had any kind of exclusive relationship with from about the age of 15-17, and then a myriad of girls came into and went out of the prospective marriage pool from that point until about two or three years ago when I found myself literally burned out from the pursuit of someone to spend the rest of my life with.
The questions I find myself facing is whether my lost interest in dating is somehow limiting the maximization of my potential as a person. Are there not other ways I can contribute to society that might be on par with the contribution of new members of society that are the result of reproduction and parental skill? Is my selfishness in deciding to limit the way I might share myself with a member of the opposite sex in any long-term fashion showing a lesser degree of selflessness that will be expressed in contributing my time to the service of others, the contribution of my income to worth causes, or the sharing of my experiences with those who are willing to listen.
If you are able to find someone to spend your life with and you choose to contribute to society by rearing children, that's great. More power to you. Give it everything you possibly can and make that marriage the best it could possibly be. Your happiness will be great in the joy of loving your spouse and your children the best way you know.
Likewise, my more solitary path can have just as much potential to leave a lasting mark on the lives of others. My capacity to teach, to serve, and to love are found in the expression of those abilities just as the exercise of a specific muscle group strengthens those muscles. It's a simple matter of finding opportunities to enrich the lives of others. That is what compassion and service are truly all about. I know that my greatest joys have come from knowing that I have been a positive influence for good.
