Two Faces

I look in the mirror
Two faces look back
One is everything I want to be
The other is everything I despise
I see the man who has surrendered himself to God
His life is devoted to service
Joy radiates in his very countenance
He feels what is in the hearts of others
Compassion overflows into all he does
Lifting the heavy hands is his goal
Easing the burdens of others is his quest
Blessings rain down upon him from heaven
He knows his weaknesses
But puts them into perspective
Realizing that perfection is not for this life
Yet he does all he can
And then trusts the rest to the Lord
The other face I shudder to look at
There is evil in the smiling eyes
Is he really what I have allowed
To become a part of who I am
Day by day he seems to become stronger
I don’t know how to turn him away
He mocks my very efforts to repent
Lies he whispers into my ears
Ears which have become accustomed to his words
Misery is his ultimate doom
Through eternity he is tormented
He knows what could have been
His every flaw is magnified
Examined through an electron microscope
This dichotomy within my soul
Is a battle for dominance
Who will conquer in the end
I pray and hope that it will be the prior

The Man in Me

I actually wrote this yesterday.

Frustrated with relationships
Do I want more
Or do I want less
Torn between wanting somebody
And wanting to be wanted
Wondering if I am good enough
I wonder if it is worth the chase
What do I need to do differently
Am I not attractive enough
Is there something wrong with my personality
Some flaw that I can not see
Is it there before my face
How can I want somebody else to want me
When I don’t want myself
I am so full of weakness
Stupid things that not only hurt the ones I love
They also kill me a little bit each day
Things I want to give up so badly
Yet they haunt me night and day
Demons in my dreams
Paralyze me with fear
I can’t move
My voice is gone
Somehow I live another day
My arms ache for somebody to hold
I reach for a hand that isn’t there
I see her potential for greatness
Though I have never seen her face
She’s a daughter of God
Deserving of all that a man can give her
Where is the man in me
Can I find him or will he find me
So that I can be all she wants and needs
This unfound love

A Call I Hear

I first heard this song while I was on my mission and it's always like going back in time when I hear it. Anybody who's served a mission should be able to identify with these words.

A Call I Hear
By Peter Breinholt

See that little hill on the side of the town
Go on up and climb it and turn back around
Catch your breath and miles and miles of fields
And you feel safe there

And there alone you kneel and you feel indeed
You wanna go and help every soul that you see
You wanna go and share what you know inside
And show you love Him

Out beyond this home so dear
Theres another call I hear

And the rivers turn to sea
And the stars smile back at me
And little butterflies inside now
And a hope that I'm coming back

Now I remember days when you laughed so hard
We walked along the roads in the counrty so far
I remember children and sounds in the street
And we belong there

And then the broken man in his house one day
He said he wasn't sure if he knew how to pray
Then he tried and said whats in his heart
So pure and easy

Slowly turn around and see
There's a part of them in me

Now the birds are flying home
To the hills above the storm
And I know that I should follow
But its hard to say goodbye

And the river turns to sea
And the stars smile back at me
ANd little butterflies are gone now
But its time I'm coming back now
I'm coming back now
I'm coming back now
I'm coming home

What She Deserves

There was more to this poem, but I cut it out because this is the part that I would prefer to focus on. Sometimes I find myself wondering why it is that girls seem to go for the guys that treat them as less than they are. Do they not realize that there are men out there that will treat them as everything that they are and with the respect that they deserve? Why settle for less than the best?

Why do some guys have to be such jerks
They give the rest of us a bad rap
Those of us who see the daughters of God
The way Father sees them
Deserving of the highest respect
This is all I would give you
The gift you deserve above anything
I would be the friend that He is
There for you no matter what or when
Lending the listening ear
Being a shoulder to cry on
A lifter of your spirit
When things are looking down
I won’t tell you what to do
Only what is in my head
Advice is sometimes worth what you pay
Regardless I will be here
A true friend
Always

Truth, Justice, and the American Way?

It was the fourth of July. My mother, brother and I went and saw the new movie, Superman Returns. I thought that the movie was quite well done in the portrayal of the characters and that the rivalry between Superman and his nemesis Lex Luthor. I thought that the spiritual overtone relating to Jar-El sending his son, Kel-El to the world in order to provide them with a light to guide them was very typifying of God sending his Son, Jesus Christ, to be the Light of the World.

It is now the 7^th of July and I am listening to the Dr. Laura program. In the opening segment she talked about an e-mail that she had received that lamented the fact that she had given away a part of the plot in explaining that Lois Lane and Superman illegitimately conceived a child and how Lois was now living with another man outside the covenant of marriage.

The contrast of the two premises that came to play on the screen was something that I didn’t make initially and it is somewhat disappointing to me to realize that I completely overlooked the immorality.

An inconsistency in my character has been revealed. I was so excited to see X-Men III and even had a date lined up to go and watch the film; however, that morning I was reading the paper and came across a review that mentioned the fact that there was some partial nudity. Once I discovered this I decided that we might pursue another activity so that neither my date nor myself would have to deal with the discomfort that could possibly result. However; because of the prevalence of immorality that is so rampant in our society, and through other media that I have consumed, I was so used to the idea that people conceive children outside of wedlock and cohabitate that I didn’t think that it was big enough deal to register against my sense of values.

Nephi set a wonderful example when he implored, “O Lord, with thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt though make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?” (2 Nephi 4:31, italics added) My soul still needs some redeeming so that I may be pure enough that when such occasions arise in the future that I will shake at the appearance of sin. Through the purifying power of the Atonement of Christ, this is certainly possible.